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Report From Japan - 26AP00


Okay. Since last month's episode there has been a lot of reader response to the Hikone History Lesson and to the Music-o-mania battle of the bands situation. About the History:

"Are you still typing with one finger?"
- Rhonda in Denver

"What about Lord Schitzelfunk...High Grandmaster Samuri King Comando of...[etc]"
- Keith outside Philadelphia

"In your next [listmail], don't do the history thing. It was a little dry. Make stuff up like you normally do."
- Kim in Fairbanks Alaska

"Thanks for all the e-mails. I, as - I am sure - the many others, really enjoy them."
- Kathy Jean in New Jersey

"...can't wait for Part II."
- Amanda in Switzerland

"Here's my question. Got a bit of time on your hands brother? The lady action...slowed down a bit, did it?"
- Kugelmonkey (Southern Asia, New Zealand, or Catlett Virginia - "a small redneck town")

And about and the Music-o-mania competition:

"I tried to help but...server problems...first page...I hope ethos wins."
- Karen in Minnesotta (I think)

"AOL keeps telling me there is no such thing..."
- My Dad in New Jersey

"They sound great but if he ever writes a song about me I'm suing."
- Ted aboard a 747 over Mongolia

"Alright you douch[e]bag! I went and voted for your ----ing band... [H]appy now? If I get sent a bunch of shit through the mail or e-mail, I'm kickin' yo' ass!"
- also from Keith in PA

"BUMMER!! Ethos did not make this round!"
- Kelleen outside L.A.

If you have questions or coments about the listmail, please send them to

GW Krauss
522-0002 Hikone-shi, Shiga-ken
Matsubara-cho, Aza Daikokumae 3428-5
Hikone Castle Heights 3D
Japan

If we print what you write, we'll send you a T-shirt that says "My Oppinion Counts" in big pink feminine bubblegummy letters.

So I guess I won't talk to much about Nausuke Ii, the 13th Lord and how because of him, Japan began interacting with the outside world. I won't say anything about how he was assinated by ninjas, or about how if it wasn't for him, Japan would never have become the economic/technological leader it is today.

Now to make some stuff up...

Last week I was riding my grandmotherly, squeeky, basket-having, all-it-needs-now-is-a-horn bicycle by the bicycle impound lot. (You see, Euan's bike had been stolen a couple days before and I thought I might see it there. Also, I'm always looking for parts. Before Euan's bike got ripped off, I had it in pretty good shape. He rents the videos and I work on the bikes. Anyway, I didn't see his bike.) The lot is right next to a stretch of river which is lined with people fishing during the day. Between a couple of them - floating in a stagnant section by the bank - camoflauged by water plants which were growing on it - amidst various pollution and scattered debris, was a(n apparently) discarded sailboard. Later that night I put on my Ninja outfit and convinced Sheri to venture out under the veil of darkness.

Me: Let's go ninja-ing
Her: What?
Me: Get your ninja suit.
Her: What are you talking about?
Me: The way of the ninja holds no secrets to the pure heart.
Her: Ugh. Freak. Why can't you ever answer a question like a normal human being?
Me: Search your self! [accompanied by a mysterious "ninja" move.]
Her: Whatever. Should I bring my video card?
Me: The ninja needs only his stealth and his wit.
Her: Okay. I guess I'll leave it here then.
Me: Maybe you should bring it.

We walked back to the river by the bicycle impound lot. Sheri suspected my plan was to steal a bike, and she informed me repeatedly that she would have absolutely no part in any such theft. I told her I wasn't planning to break into the impound lot, but she didn't believe me. I promised I had no intention of bringing a bike home. She still didn't believe me. It was like she could smell it. I was up to no good. When we got to the spot, we had to duck under the roaming spot lights at the bike lot. We were pretty quiet as we climbed quickly down the sloping river bank, and I found a big stick. We chopped at the grass and plants which held the sailboard in place. Just after I slipped and almost fell into the filthy water shouting profanities in my native language thereby causing guard dogs to lurch and bark in the distance, we freed the board. Moving it to a better spot on the bank with the stick, I began planning how I would talk Sheri into surfing home on it with me. I knew that would be the biggest challenge. Neither of us had a clue how to surf, especially on what turned out to be a seriously broken sailboard with no sail in a motionless river. So there was to be no surfing home. But we did take turns standing on the board in the river for upto 5 seconds at a time, and saying, "Yipee!," "Look at me!" and, "I'm surfing!" After that I turned the board over to discover it had apparently been attacked by either a shark or a shopping cart, and it's innards were home to an ecosystem worth of biology. We ninja-ed back home and watched a video.

Last night Euan and I were pretty bored. We briefly held an "I'm so bored..." competition, and then Euan took to finding creative new ways to throw darts at not the dartboard. All I can say is he's paying for the kitchen wall - not me. It didn't take much to talk him into coming down to the lake to watch me swim in it. We had to come back because he forgot his hat. I was pretty cold outside with my wetsuit on, but since I sort of looked like a superhero with my backpack (towel, warm clothes, etc), I didn't mind that it was only April 11th and that I could still see my breath. When we got to the beach, I kept reminding myself of a swim I took in the Arctic Ocean a few years ago. The water here couldn't be THAT cold. And plenty of friends - some of YOU - have swum, NAKED, in Antarctica. So this should be a piece of cake. It still took a lot of running around in circles and Euan calling me, "a big Jessie" few times before I finally went in. But in I went and a few seconds later I called out, "Yipee!," "Look at me!" and, "I'm swimming!" A few seconds after that my arms and legs were in agonizing pain so we went home and watched a video. [12AP00]

And last night was "Hanami." That's when all the teachers and staff here at work go to a spot by the Castle moat after work and have a party to celebrate the blossoming of the cherry trees. There are a bunch of them around but they only have flowers for about a week. Okay - they're nice flowers and all - but whoa. These people really get excited about it. Everyone talks about it for weeks in advance like the whole purpose for living is to see the anual cherry flowers. An old legend says that the reason the flowers are red (pink really) is that they contain the blood of the samuri buried under the trees. It's interesting that there really are more trees near the Castle, Sawa-yama, and places where samuri would likely have died. Anyway, if these trees did there little look at me - I have flowers - show in the US, I doubt most people would notice. But it was a welcome excuse for a party outside with with people from work - all of which are more fun outside the school. Euan was almost drunk enough to start speaking in tounges again, but he didn't get in any fights, and the beautiful women all find him charming regardles of his condition. I rollerskated home a little early because I have the morning shift today, and I wanted to be nice and alert so I could make fun of everyone else's hang-overs. [17AP00]

May YOUR cherry tree blossom brightly - and Happy Easter too.

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